2010 this time I mean it

Okay, so last year I was all "Oh, I'm so happy and cool like all these blogs I read and I'm gonna be that way all year."

Well, I was lying and this year I'm not. Truth is I desperately want to be one of those people who has those blogs that you read where they're all in love with every aspect of life down to the tags in the back of their shirts. They seem, according to their blogs, perpetually happy and blissed out on the universe. It's all totally swell to them. Truth is I am not one of these people. Damn it, I wish I was, but I'm not.
These people make me crazy jealous.

I am jealous of their blissed outness.
I am wanting to think the world is amazing and great and everyone around me is nice and mature and level headed.

Truth is, they are not. Most of them are overly sensitive and pains in the ass. Truth is a lot of them don't like me, and I'm okay with that. That's growing up I think, not being so sensitive and being okay with people not liking you. If they were writing blogs about being blissed out on snow flakes I think I'd die inside if they didn't like me....but that's different....

Truth is, I had a baby and my life changed so drastically that it's taking some getting used to. I miss the me time and the solo art time. But she is so great it doesn't matter.

So instead of making a list of all the things I'd like to accomplish because I want to be one of those people who I can not be because I'm not like them, I think I'll just sayz;

In 2010 I'm gonna try really hard to paint and take photos because those things make me happy. Even if I'm no good, and I very seldom feel I'm any good at either, they still make me happy.

I'm going to stop working so hard at work because it doesn't matter, and I'm going to put the hard work where it matters, at home, for Maya, for Kyle, and for the things that make me happy.

In 2010 I'm gonna try to do some traveling. But I'm afraid to go away from Maya. I've never been more than twelve hours away from her and the thought of her begging daddy to make momma suddenly appear makes me very sad (she does this when I'm gone for work).
I'm going to buy a house soon, so in 2010 I'm going to garden. Although too many choices sometimes perplexes me.

Most importantly, I'm going to work at loving myself so that I don't sit around wishing I was somebody else's blog. I'll blog all that I can be, and stop fake blogging. The real me is not blissed out, the real me is tired, a little stressed, missing alone time and art time, sick of working, and loves her daughter more than anything. That's me. In a nut. Any questions? Next time, my over whelming desire to cut wacko's out of my life. Or as the Celestine Prophecy calls them (Kyle read it out loud along time ago- it made me laugh)
CRAZY MAKERS.