I want real friends. I want girl friends that don't have issues. I have issues. I don't share them with everyone, but I have them. One of my issues, is that I tend to collect people with issues. I try to mother them or fix them or be the shrink to their Woody Allen. Something like that.
I'm tired of these people. They're starting to get boring. Which is funny because normal people who don't have issues seems boring. (But it's the stories I like best). I don't want to fix them anymore, I don't want to listen to their crazy, I don't even want to play cards with them. They are crazymakers. No matter what you do, how you do it, how you say it, what you cover it with be it chocolate or banana, they won't really be your friend. They can't cause they're caught up in their own crazy. And that's cool. I have done that too. But there comes a time when you have to just grow the fuck up.
No more martyrs, no more sensitives, no more drunks or druggies, no more narcissists, no more big dreamers living in poverty, no more OCD/ADD/BPD or any other mental disorders. If I don't want to be any of those, then naturally I don't want to be around any either. And yet I am one of those people because I'm incredibly insecure and I use humor as a way of masking that insecurity. I make my self crazy a lot of the time.
I want people I can talk about art with. and poets, and history, and beatniks, and babies, and arty movies, and girly things, and fashion, and nature of course, and camping, and photography.
I have trapped myself in this guise of "she's the crazy one". (I call it "I'm so sleep deprived I'm starting to sound like Chris when he's riffing") I'm not just silly and crazy (that's the freaked out insecure me). I don't just know about movies. I know about a lot of things.
But so far, I have a hard time finding anyone who's even heard of Jean Michel Baquiat or Emil Nolde or Stuart Sutcliffe (as a painter and not a Beatle). Or Margaret Bourke White. Or Jim Nachtwey. Or "The Bang Bang Club"....
soon to be a major motion picture. (I love movies about artists...Basquiat, Backbeat..I lovvve Harrison's Flowers)...
Stop whining Clare.
Or read the Dharma Bums, or who love The Hours, or who gets Shakespeare..
Okay, maybe not the Shakespeare..I know that's a tough one for peeps.
2 comments:
I am in the same boat with beginning to put an end to being around the kind of people i don't want to be like. Its a bit of a tough thing to do. And rather lonely at times. lol
But maybe we'll end up normal (and not crazy/opressed/etc)
I think normal people are hard to find because they just stay home with their kids and watch old movies or cable.
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